I was recently running a leadership workshop for managers. And early on I had one participant continually derailed the group. He repeated statements like, “No my employees never listen. They do not care”, “They are the ones with the issues, it isn’t my fault”, “They are the ones who need to be here right now, not me....”
He was putting all the fault on others, rather than focusing on what he could be doing to improve his leadership skills.
As a facilitator, my number one priority is to help groups of people learn and grow as much as they can. There are many bumps in the road and having a participant who continually derails the conversation is one of them
This type of participant is normally seen as difficult. But I see them as someone who is passionate and deeply cares. They do not want to waste their time and they are trying to communicate their needs as best as they can.
I have found a really helpful process that helps them get back on track in a kind and supportive way.
Back to my earlier example…
As he continually talked about the same type of idea over and over, I recognized that he was stuck. These repeated statements could easily take away from the rest of the group as well as his development, so I needed to help him move past his stuck thought in a productive and supportive way.
Our conversation went a little something like this:
Manager: “My employees don’t listen to me, they just do their own thing. They don’t care about the work and that’s just how they are”
Me: “And it's frustrating to not have your employees listen to you”
Manager: “Exactly, they just don't want to listen or care”
Me: “It’s important that they do listen to you so that you can get the work done”
Manager: “Yes!”
Me: “You also care about their success and want to make sure they do well at work, and they don’t seem to see that”
Manager: “Yes”
Me: “And what you’re saying is that none of your employees ever listen to you”
Manager: “Well, no... some of them do listen”
This is where the conversation shifted and I helped him move towards an open mindset.
First I made sure to affirm what he was feeling and showed him that I was on his side through my general and deeper reflections. I then over-reflected his original statements, which caused him to move away from his absolute thinking. He started to become unstuck from something that wasn’t serving him.
We can help shift participants closed mindsets by first, helping them see and feel that we understand them. Then we can exaggerate their statements through over-reflection to help them move beyond their absolute thinking.
If I told him he was wrong, he wouldn’t have listened to me. This process helped him start discovering, internally, that there may be a more effective way to get what he wants.
One IMPORTANT tip. Make sure that your tone of voice is neutral. Any hint of judgment or sarcasm and it will NOT work. A lot of what makes this work is how you say it.
Now, this process will not work 100% of the time, just like any other. But it has been extremely helpful and a game-changer for my facilitation effectiveness.
As a facilitator, I am constantly looking to improve the educational experience I provide for others. One way of doing that is by hearing the stories of other facilitators. Their challenges, discovery, and tools that have helped them along their way.
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